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The Wizard Of Aus Navigation menu VideoTHE WIZARDS OF AUS -- Episode 3 \
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Fed up with the magical realm's obsession with large-scale fantasy warfare, Jack the wizard decides to migrate to the sanest place he can think of: Melbourne's western suburbs.
After accidentally causing Flinders Street Station to turn ever so slightly into a giant fish monster, his existence and that of his fellow magical immigrants is revealed to the Australian public.
Fearing a backlash against himself and his kind, Jack swears off using magic in a bid to better assimilate into human life.
But of course, fitting in was never going to be easy when people tend to get a bit 'explode-y' whenever you sneeze Recently discovered this and binged it in one sitting Not that's hard in the web series format Writing was witty an unique and the visuals we're very impressive compared to any other web-series I've seen - Scrap that, better then most tv show's these days.
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Official Sites. Company Credits. Technical Specs. Episode List. Plot Summary. She is clearly unsteady on her feet. As she lies on the floor urine begins to stain the carpet.
Look, the grass is …. But fear not, for I am a Good Bitch - just don't get in my way at the shoe-shop. You can call me Glindene. The Bunyips summoned me because they said a drunk had fallen on the wicked Bitch of the East.
Tell me, are you a good drunk, or a bad drunk? You should see me on a Saturday. Fancy a bunk-up? Well, not animals They stare at Doreen lustfully.
Glindene: Fear not, Doreen. You see, when you collapsed in a drunken stupor, you fell on her and drove her broomstick through her heart.
The bunyips want to…. Doreen: Oh, I know what they want all right Do they have beer? No more than three at a time mind, I have standards. She is angry at Doreen for killing her sister.
Doreen protesting : But these aren't boots, no one in Kalgoorlie has money for boots except Miss Felch.
My feet are just dirty. The Wicked Bitch of the West is distracted by the Bunyips who are trying to peer up her skirt. She howls with anguish when she sees the Grubby slippers on Doreen's feet but she has no power in Bunyipland.
Doreen is saved. Glindene: Only the Brewer of Suds can help you. Doreen: The Brewer of Suds, is he a wizard? Glindene: Is he a wizard!
Why, the Great Aus makes a magic potion from piss and vinegar that can make all your troubles go away. He lives in the Amber Nectar City.
Glindene: The same way people get anywhere in Western Australia — Follow the buggered dirt road. Because, because, because, because, because He charges ten dollars a pint, he does.
Bunyip: And stay out, you lanky lush. She downs the remaining whisky and licks a cane-toad from her back-pack. Eventually she reaches crossroads.
Dingo barks furiously. Unseen voice: Or that way's just as good. Why not lie down and put one of those Grubby Slippers on each path - you look like you spend most of your life in a Y-shape anyway.
Dingo bites his foot. Doreen: I'm sorry, he always does that to abos. But could you help us, sir? We're new here - which path should we take to reach Amber Nectar City?
Scarecrow : I'll tell you for a pot of good cheer. I'm dying of thirst here, my mouth's as dry as a nun's cunt.
Scarecrow : Don't you think I want to? I was on my way when I got a bit more pissed than I intended and got tangled up in this rabbit-proof fence.
If you get me off we could go together, there's plenty of beer in the city for both of us. Oh, if she hears I'm in the shit. She'd crush me like a maggot, If she knew I was a faggot, If she knew that I was queer.
Please God, give me some more beer. Scarecrow: But how will we ever pay for the beer? Doreen : There's always a way for a new girl in town to earn an honest dollar.
I'll make enough money to keep both of us shit-faced. Together they sing: ]. Hungry, Doreen and the Scarecrow pick all the remaining apples from the trees.
After squeezing the last cane-toads they begin to hallucinate that the trees are throwing fruit at them. They run in panic, blundering into the wood-cutter, rusted in place with his axe still over his shoulder.
Doreen : Of course, we are in a dark forest after all. What harm could come from talking to a random stranger with an axe? Anyway, he may have some grog.
Scarecrow : I never travel without lubricant, you just don't know when you may need it next! Tinman : It's my own fault I was out getting wood - watching wombats doing the naughty always makes me crack a fat 'un.
I got caught in the rain. I've been standing there rusted for years with no one to talk to but myself. Sometimes the conversations went on for hours like I had a couple of Kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
Scarecrow : You should take more care to keep yourself well lubricated. Tinman : If I only had more beer, I could stay properly oiled forever